I realise it's not an appropriate time to raise any issue but part of the purpose of this journal was to let you know what, if anything, was on my mind. And maybe by writing things down I can better understand them myself.

The issue, although frankly that's probably not the right term to use, is that I had quite a vivid dream about her a few nights ago. This was quite different to previous dreams. In this dream we were lying on the floor and she was coming onto me quite directly. However, she had this look on her face (a smirk perhaps) and I knew she was taking the piss. She still wanted to do things but it was as if she knew that she had the upper hand, that she was the one in control. It ended there.

In one previous dream it did seem to be the case that she and I were a couple but this was far more forceful. I really do see her in a different light these days. I guess we all change.

Are such dreams really bothering me? Yes. It suggests that I'm not at peace. Therefore, I've got to find a way around that. Maybe that is part of the reason why I wanted candles.

Despite how I feel about her, I'm pleased I get along so well with C. Although saying that, I thought I got along well with A. But I'm fairly sure it means a lot to you that C and I get along and that we can be left alone without repercussion. I realise that last sentence sounds extremely suggestible but I'm sure you understand what I mean. Healthy social circles are a necessity for the success or well-being of any relationship. Obviously, that leaves a lingering question mark over our own but I suppose we'll deal with those challenges if/when they appear. 

It's not been all downcast lately. I have missed You. And as I have noted elsewhere, I can be nothing less than proud of You as of late. You've really knuckled down and kept pushing on, even during the past couple of days, which I realise, must have been tough. You've done exceptionally well. I want you to know that.

You deserve nothing but success.

I woke up this morning feeling far groggier than usual. No doubt it had something to do with the interruptions to the latter stages of my sleep pattern. Nonetheless, I'm pleased to be awake somewhat early. The older the get the more you start to care about enjoying your days to the full. Although, if I'm to be truthful, it's more of a case of trying to appreciate the days when I'm not working.

I haven't worked since last Friday - a perk of the job whereby shift scheduling means a 6-7 day break each month. It pertains to a holiday in its own right. And like any working person I have seized the initiative and done little over the past week. However, there have been highlights. One of those being the movie Braindead that I was able to watch last night. If you're unfamiliar with the movie it's actually one of Peter Jackson's earlier works, which was immediately followed-up by the very impressive, Heavenly Creatures. In fact, every film that I have seen thus far by Peter Jackson is on a level above most other directors. What's amusing, however, is how Jackson went from Braindead to Lord of the Rings.

Braindead is essentially a zombie movie. As with all zombie movies it eventually evolves into a zombie-killing-fest. Yet what sets it apart from the long list of same old is the humour, the innovation, and a ninja priest. Once the action starts to pick up it is one of the most relentless movies out there. I would love to go into more detail but I fear it'll ruin the enjoyment.

Which prompts the question: Why do we enjoy horror movies?

Greg McLean commented in an interview that we wish to get as close to death as possible without experiencing it. I believe you can expand on that. In my opinion, when it comes to violence (of all forms) and death we are not only curious but inherently sadistic. So not only do we wish to get close to death but we derive a certain amount of pleasure from doing so.

I could rant on about the intimacies of the human being for hours but as it is I feel like getting out and going for a run. I will definitely get around to cleaning this journal up over the next 48 hours and from then it will be interesting to see where things go.